It´s funny how the things that people ask you, reveal more about them than it does about you.
During the in-between times in the prison, when I get chance to hang out with the girls, the most frequent topic of conversation is the fact that I´m single and don´t have children. To the extent that some of the girls repeat their questions several times in a row, in disbelief at the answer, reveals something of the culture here as well as their own limited expectations.

In the prison context, this always inspires me to pray - that the girls would realise that they have other options in life apart from how they are connected to others- either a partner or a child; that they would begin to know something more of God´s design for them.

In other situations, I react differently. At the weekend, I went to a retreat for Christian professionals. With a professional (married) woman, I had a similar conversation as with the girls in the prison. Having established that I´m single and don´t have children, her faced turned to a look of sheer pity and she asked if I´d got used to it yet (as if it´s some sort of punishment to be endured.) I have to admit that this caused anger to rise in me - although I´m hoping I didn´t show that. For teenage girls from marginal and poor communities to think that they have no other options in life is understandable (and often true). But for a Christian professional woman to look so pitifully towards singles, I find quite offensive. (At this point I could talk about different cultural expectations of gender roles etc etc - but that would negate the many similar conversations I´ve had with married women in England - so I´m not sure that culture is the defining factor here.)

But anyway back to the conversation at the weekend..... that all the things that she (or I) might have acheived professionally, or the character and personality that God has made her (or me) to be; that all of that counts for nothing unless you have a man is both completely illogical and unbiblical. And I guess that´s what makes my prayer for the girls in the prison so huge. When even other women in their own society don´t think that they can acheive anything worthwhile apart from find a man and have children, no wonder they don´t let themselves dream of other achievements.

For those readers who know me, you´ll have heard this rant before from me. And for those who don´t know me, please don´t misunderstand. I´m not devaluing the role of women as wifes and as mothers. I believe that they are important roles. But they are not the only option, and it´s not mutually exclusive of doing other things and achieving other goals.

I really want women to know the design God has planted in them -- and by that I don´t mean all the girly/ princess talk of so many Christian women´s ministries (which in my mind simply buys into the celebrity /beauty business which takes advantage of women´s insecurities in order to sell products of one sort or another.) Instead I mean that I want women to know that God has created them with value and dignity in their own right, each one unique, with distinct gifts and talents, which he means for us to use and excel in - not simply to wait for a man to notice them.

OK. Rant over.