Limping

I´ve been reading a book  - Leading with a Limp by Dan B. Allender -- and really enjoying it (in that wierd, it makes you think sort of way). It´s such a change from all the follow-these-easy-steps-and-be-successful type books (which of course never actually deliver what they promise). This book talks about how the only real measure of success in leadership is how we can be ourselves - and that has to include - or advertise, even, the fact that we are fallen and broken human beings. To be in leadership, is to embrace that identity and grow in it. Again and again he repeats that the role of the Director or President or leader of whatever it is that you lead, is to be the organisations chief sinner  - in the sense of being completely identified with our own failings. This isn´t about false humility - but rather about honesty - which releases honesty in others - as well as a genuine sense of working together.

"A broken leader is a sweet paradox of confidence and openness. If those I lead have already found out the worst there is to know about me - that I am a sinner - then the log in my eye is continually being removed in the midst of every crisis. The result is better vision and greater wisdom due to the freedom I feel to bother live and die."

It sounds so simple - but in reality it completely turns our understanding of leadership and success upside down. And the inevitability of crisis and betrayal and conflict is evident.
"Betrayal is certain; what is uncertain is how we will embrace and use it for the growth of character."

Another thing I found really interesting was how he talks about conflict and disagreements, as actually a quest for truth and links this with the concept of troth, a solomn commitment to one another. 
"The issue of truth in relationships is never a matter of trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong. It is an issue of whether troth grows as both people seek the truth together. Truth is measured not only by how accurate the words are but also by how the words bind the hearts of those who seek the truth together. The more we seek truth together, arm in arm and heart to heart, the more we will gain a greater understanding of what is true." 
How challenging that is for those of us (OK, me) who for most of the time just want to be right. If we´re not happy to be known as broken and limping, then someone elses truth becomes a personal attack against which we must defend ourselves. There is release and freedom in knowing that we don´t have to. But of course most of the time, that sort of openness is seen as weakness, the opposite of the courage or confidence that we want from our leaders.

He quotes GK Chesterton when talking about courage
" "Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die. 'He that will lose his life, the same shall save it,' is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes... A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward and will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water, and yet drink death like wine".
That´s a confidence that I want more of!! It´s not about bravado or posturing, but about the deep hunger for real life - and for real relationships.
And I guess he sums it up with "The purpose of limping leadership is the maturing of character." There´s actually nothing better we can do to serve God in whatever position he has put us in, than to seek his shaping and forming of our character, regardless of the pain and discomfort that it brings.