The first couple of months of this year have been really busy, and it had worn me down abit. So over the last month, I´ve managed to get away by myself for a couple of weekends - firstly to the beach - and then to the mountains. And it was really good to relax, and to give myself time to think straight again.
It´s a funny thing, how we manage to get ourselves so busy that we´re not really sure why we´re doing things any more.
On the first weekend away I read Beloved: Henri Nouwen in Conversation, which was so simple and short but incredibly powerful. He talks of busyness. "If you are busy, very busy, ask yourself, 'Why am I busy?' Perhaps you want to prove something. Why are people so busy? Perhaps they want to have success in their life or they want to be popular or they want to have some influence. If you want to be successful, you have to do a lot of things; if you want to be popular, you have to meet a lot of people; if you want influence, you have to make a lot of connections. The problem is that your identity is hooked up with the busyness"
Ouch.
In contrast to busyness, he also talked about solitude. "Solitude is
listening to the voice who calls you the beloved.... Solitude is the
place where we go in order to hear the truth about ourselves."
It is so easy to get caught up with things, and not really realise why we make the decisions we make. And within the church there seems to be even more encouragement to 'do more stuff' - which pushes us further from our sense of ourselves and our belovedness. And yet "the christian community is a community of people who remind each other who they truly are- the beloved of God" - or at least it should be!
As someone who enjoys solitude, none of that surprised me, but then he also went on to talk about the connection between solitude and community, a sense in which you can´t have one without the other, but also how they are two expressions of the same thing.
He describes solitude as not necessarily being alone or having time to yourself - but being a part of making deep connections with others. "Prayer and solitude are ways to listen to the voice that speaks in our heart, in the centre of our being. One of the most amazing things about that concept is that if you enter deeper and deeper into that place, you not only meet God, but you meet the whole world there. ... A lot of people think about prayer or solitude as withdrawing from the world into a private space, but that´s not at all the case. The contemplative life, this mystical life, shows that the deeper you enter into the solitude and the deeper you come into the heart, the more in the world you are.... Solitude and prayer bring you into a spiritual communion with the whole people."
Living in a country which has a deep-seated suspicion of solitude or any form of aloneness, I love this idea that it´s not a case of whether we are alone or in company, but that what is important is that we connect with people, not about superficial stuff or talking about the weather - but a deeper connection which recognises each others belovedness - who we really are in God - his beautiful and unique creations. It´s about a solidarity with people, which connects us with God´s image in each other. And that´s why often the people that we see as must connected with God (from a sense of solitude and belovedness) are also 'activists'. Their connection with God in solitude and prayer has led them to a deep connection with their fellow human beings (Christian or not), which propels them into action - which is very different from just plain busyness!
My second weekend away was up in the hills outside Antigua, where I stayed in a wooden cabin built into the hillside - and spent a lot of time just appreciating the views.
The view from this working avocado farm looks out over Jocotenango in the valley, towards the volcanoes in the distance. That´s Volcan Agua on the left, and Volcan Fuego and Volcan Acatenango on the right.
That weekend I was re-reading a book by Tony Horsfall 'Working from a place of rest'. It was good to be reminded that we are designed to start from a place of rest - rather than needing to 'earn' rest by working hard. It made me rethink a few things in my life - and change them when I got back. And I´m continuing to seek solitude and community with people that I interact with.
